(OLM WireServices 02/20/09)
This reporter has learned that, due to the lack of available talent, the 5th Annual Lagerville Talent Show/Contest scheduled for Thursday, February 26th, 2009 will be cancelled.
“This will be the 5th year in a row I’ve had to cancel the talent show,” explained talent show organizer/host Gary Flair. “ If this keeps up I may not bother to put on the Lagerville Talent Show/Contest anymore.”
Ironically, Flair insists that his talent is putting on talent shows but lately has nothing to show for it.
“Seems like all the people with talent are busy this coming Thursday so I have no choice but to cancel again this year,” continued Flair.
“You ain’t got no talent show!” cried LC Parker.
Just then Deputy Cannonball, the second to arrive on the scene, mentioned that he was available Thursday.
“ I appreciate what you’re trying to do, Deputy,” said Flair, “but it’s just too late. And you have no talent.”
“ All the others with talent are available Friday,” said Deputy Cannonball.
“Yes, therein lies my dilemma,” replied Flair.
Those of you without talent that were available to watch the talent show, don’t bother.
Due to an apparent scheduling conflict, it has been cancelled.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
New Saloon Opens in Lagerville
(OLM WireServices – 02/17/09)
Lanky's Roughneck Saloon will be having it's grand opening on February 28th. Owner Lanky "Roughneck" Lawson says he will cater to all roughnecks in and around Lagerville. "And them who's necks ain't so rough. They'll be 'fodder for the Roughnecks".
Roughneck Lawson (pictured at left) means bidness, Saloon bidness.
Roughneck, who used to run an illegal still up past Sinker Mountain, decided that he might as well make legal money rather than be on constant run from the law, Officer Wallace in particular.
When asked, by this reporter, how he had managed to get his liquor license, Roughneck replied, " Liquor license?" All technicalities aside, Roughneck says that his establishment will be the premiere entertainment center in Lagerville inside a year.
He also says he plans to have the best gizzards east of Doofers. In fact, he will have free gizzards for all during the Grand Opening festivities.
Roughneck encourages all who want to participate in his grand opening tournaments.
Scheduled Events, February 28, 2009
Horseshoe Pitching Tournament: Noon to Closing
Dart Tournament: Noon to Closing
Beer Guzzlin' Tournament: Noon to Closing
Yarn Spinnin' Tournament: Noon to Closing
Wet T-Shirt Contest: Noon to Closing
Celebrity Mudwrestling: Whenever a Celebrity shows up
Monday, February 16, 2009
MARSHALL’S MEAT CENTER PLANS HUGE SALE
(OLM WireServices - 02/16/09)
Frank Marshall, owner and operator of Marshall’s Meat Center, confirmed today that Marshall’s Meat Center will be having a huge 4-Hour sale this weekend.
Marshall says that this will be the longest 4- Hour sale ever seen in Lagerville, Idaho.
Marshall’s purpose of this huge sale is to bring in customers from as far away as Darby, Montana and also to sell off all the grocery items that expired 5 -10, even 15 years ago.
“It’s just not cost effective to keep all these expired items, especially in t’days economy” said Marshall, “They’re still good for sure, but some people shy away from items that have that pesky expiration date. I mean, take this Gerber Baby Cereal, expiration November 7th, 1993, how can baby cereal go bad? It’ll be a great bargain for someone.”
Marshall also plans to sell off his stockpile of venison tenderloin.
This year Marshall says he won’t jack up the prices a week ahead of the sale and then reduce them to the normal price as he used to do when he tried unsuccessfully to have huge sales.
“I even plan to have m’ son, Huey, flown in here to help around the cash register because of all the anticipated business. Plus I’m havin’ trouble with th’ e-mail so I’m sure he’ll fix that too.”
Marshall plans to open the doors early on Saturday so he can get the four hours over with as soon as possible so he can take his stoneflies and go catch some whitefish.
There will be a free balloon so come early when the doors open at 6am on Saturday.
Frank Marshall, owner and operator of Marshall’s Meat Center, confirmed today that Marshall’s Meat Center will be having a huge 4-Hour sale this weekend.
Marshall says that this will be the longest 4- Hour sale ever seen in Lagerville, Idaho.
Marshall’s purpose of this huge sale is to bring in customers from as far away as Darby, Montana and also to sell off all the grocery items that expired 5 -10, even 15 years ago.
“It’s just not cost effective to keep all these expired items, especially in t’days economy” said Marshall, “They’re still good for sure, but some people shy away from items that have that pesky expiration date. I mean, take this Gerber Baby Cereal, expiration November 7th, 1993, how can baby cereal go bad? It’ll be a great bargain for someone.”
Marshall also plans to sell off his stockpile of venison tenderloin.
This year Marshall says he won’t jack up the prices a week ahead of the sale and then reduce them to the normal price as he used to do when he tried unsuccessfully to have huge sales.
“I even plan to have m’ son, Huey, flown in here to help around the cash register because of all the anticipated business. Plus I’m havin’ trouble with th’ e-mail so I’m sure he’ll fix that too.”
Marshall plans to open the doors early on Saturday so he can get the four hours over with as soon as possible so he can take his stoneflies and go catch some whitefish.
There will be a free balloon so come early when the doors open at 6am on Saturday.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Mayor Has Last LAFF
(OLM WireServices – 02/12/09)
Mayor Porad Skinner has finally attempted to reform the Lagerville Anglers Fly Fishing Club (LAFF), something that he had been threatening to do ever since he caught that sucker on an egg pattern over on Jack’s Creek four years ago.
“Formin’ Clubs is my passion,” said Mayor Porad Skinner who spoke more eloquently than usual today, undoubtedly due to his passions, “ I also have a passion fer fashion, but that’s another story with a very different ending. These kinda clubs is different than golf clubs. I also love fly fishin’ an’ so I decided to form LAFF fer all the people whut love fly fishin’ an’ clubs in the Greater Lagerville area . Even folks from Dixie are welcome, but let’s not get carried away. Kooskia has their own club so they’re not welcome. In fact we’ll probably challenge ‘em t’ some sort a contest so’s we can show ‘em who’s best at whatever contest we challenge ‘em to. Most good clubs have 10- 12 dedicated individuals who show up and particapate at ever meetin’, not like BIFF over in Warshington.”
“Them bastards shoulda been reformed a long time ago!” cried LC Parker.
Lagerville Anglers Fly Fishing Club (LAFF) will meet the first Tuesday of every month unless it falls on a holiday. If it does then they’ll just skip that day and meet again on the first Tuesday of the next month unless, of course, that falls on a holiday.
“Holidays are fer fishin’ not meetin’,” stated Mayor Porad Skinner.
If you want to join LAFF (Lagerville Anglers Fly Fishing Club), stop by the Mayor’s office and fill out a form. If he’s out of forms, just write it down.
Although he’s tried to form this club many times before, Mayor Porad Skinner vows that if it fails he will not try again. “This will be the last LAFF,” he assured.
Mayor Porad Skinner has finally attempted to reform the Lagerville Anglers Fly Fishing Club (LAFF), something that he had been threatening to do ever since he caught that sucker on an egg pattern over on Jack’s Creek four years ago.
“Formin’ Clubs is my passion,” said Mayor Porad Skinner who spoke more eloquently than usual today, undoubtedly due to his passions, “ I also have a passion fer fashion, but that’s another story with a very different ending. These kinda clubs is different than golf clubs. I also love fly fishin’ an’ so I decided to form LAFF fer all the people whut love fly fishin’ an’ clubs in the Greater Lagerville area . Even folks from Dixie are welcome, but let’s not get carried away. Kooskia has their own club so they’re not welcome. In fact we’ll probably challenge ‘em t’ some sort a contest so’s we can show ‘em who’s best at whatever contest we challenge ‘em to. Most good clubs have 10- 12 dedicated individuals who show up and particapate at ever meetin’, not like BIFF over in Warshington.”
“Them bastards shoulda been reformed a long time ago!” cried LC Parker.
Lagerville Anglers Fly Fishing Club (LAFF) will meet the first Tuesday of every month unless it falls on a holiday. If it does then they’ll just skip that day and meet again on the first Tuesday of the next month unless, of course, that falls on a holiday.
“Holidays are fer fishin’ not meetin’,” stated Mayor Porad Skinner.
If you want to join LAFF (Lagerville Anglers Fly Fishing Club), stop by the Mayor’s office and fill out a form. If he’s out of forms, just write it down.
Although he’s tried to form this club many times before, Mayor Porad Skinner vows that if it fails he will not try again. “This will be the last LAFF,” he assured.
The History of Lagerville
Around about 1868, most of the gold mining in California was either dying out, or moving to the more expensive rock mining. The original placer miners had dispersed throughout the Northwest looking for other opportunities.
Within Idaho Territory miners had established mining towns in Florence, on Crooked River, and back in the Buffalo Hump area. These mining activities were all going strong, and more people were flocking to the area. Some of the more adventurous miners, tiring of the crowds, went in search of a new find and wandered the breaks of the Salmon River, but eventually venturing back in toward Red River and the current Crooked River mines.
Small pockets of gold were found throughout that country, but eventually two young miners, Heinreich Midas and Ville Sanchez, discovered gold high in the mountains. These two enterprising young miners staked their claims, and then laid out a townsite for the hoards they knew would follow. They named this town Midasville, and staked out 40 lots on a hillside overlooking their mining claim.
Midasville was a huge success until one day a newcomer, the great Pettifogger "Lucky" Wallace, came to the area and discovered a flat spot about 100 feet to the North of the current townsite. This newcomer, Lucky, started brewing beer and selling it over a wagon gate placed on two barrels. Pretty soon, someone had stolen his barrels, but he stayed anyway and a town formed around him. This new town, Lagerville, absorbed the entire populace of Midasville.
Thusly, the gold ran out in the Midas-Sanchez mine. There were several mines still operating in the area and supporting the newly-formed Lagerville in style. But Heinreich Midas died penniless and was used as a Halloween prop for many years. Ville Sanchez returned to his native Canada never to be seen again.
As quickly as the mining died out, logging became the leading industry in Lagerville. Many illiterate loggers were proud to have the name Lagerville and flocked to decimate the Old Growth Forest in the area. Sometime later,they learned that the lager in Lagerville was actually a form of beer rather than loggers. This pleased them enormously that their two favorite things were the same word but different spelling. To celebrate this prime coincidence, they started the Lagerville Logger's Lager Days in September 1890. The loggers would compete in beer guzzling and other beer games and the Lagers, as the beer makers were called, competed in logging contests such as single buck and double chop. A great time was had by all contestants and all spectators.
This continued well into the 20th century until the Great Bark Beetle Infestation of 1930 - 1934 wiped out the Old Growth Forest. To save the forest for future logging, Spoted owls were brought in to eradicate the bark beetle so the Old Growth Forest would grow back. Once the bark beetle was wiped out and the Old Growth Forest grew back, the Spoted owl had become so accustomed to this new Old Growth Forest that it could not live anywhere else.
The proliferation of spoted owls in the area led to an expansion
in the economy. Quick to take advantage of the situation, the locals began their own manufacturing and distribution of Spoted owl products such as "Spoted Owl Helper" and "Spoted Owl Piñatas"and other Spoted Owl festivities. The businesses in the area, however, were once again beaten back by the government and their allies, the
environmentalists. While mining, logging, and laging still remain
productive industries in the area, Lagerville had bigger visions of where it could be.
They wanted to be "the biggest town with less than a hunnert
people in the area". So they started working at attracting tourists. The first attempts, the Mumbly-Peg Shootouts by Limpin' Joe Watson didn't generate the fanfare expected.
Wasn't long, though, before they hit upon the real solution: Lager. They advertised as a fishing and hunting destination, and supplied their guests with large quantities of lager. It was perfect.
Perfect as could be for the technology of the time. However, in
the year 2000 they established an internet presence, only 5 years after Lagerville Loggin' Lager Days was renewed. The internet presence re-established Lagerville as not only a hunting, fishing, drinking paradise, but also as a place to live and raise a family. By mid-year of 2000, there were over a hunnert people that called Lagerville home.
(history of lagerville contains contributions from the historian Porad)
Within Idaho Territory miners had established mining towns in Florence, on Crooked River, and back in the Buffalo Hump area. These mining activities were all going strong, and more people were flocking to the area. Some of the more adventurous miners, tiring of the crowds, went in search of a new find and wandered the breaks of the Salmon River, but eventually venturing back in toward Red River and the current Crooked River mines.
Small pockets of gold were found throughout that country, but eventually two young miners, Heinreich Midas and Ville Sanchez, discovered gold high in the mountains. These two enterprising young miners staked their claims, and then laid out a townsite for the hoards they knew would follow. They named this town Midasville, and staked out 40 lots on a hillside overlooking their mining claim.
Midasville was a huge success until one day a newcomer, the great Pettifogger "Lucky" Wallace, came to the area and discovered a flat spot about 100 feet to the North of the current townsite. This newcomer, Lucky, started brewing beer and selling it over a wagon gate placed on two barrels. Pretty soon, someone had stolen his barrels, but he stayed anyway and a town formed around him. This new town, Lagerville, absorbed the entire populace of Midasville.
Thusly, the gold ran out in the Midas-Sanchez mine. There were several mines still operating in the area and supporting the newly-formed Lagerville in style. But Heinreich Midas died penniless and was used as a Halloween prop for many years. Ville Sanchez returned to his native Canada never to be seen again.
As quickly as the mining died out, logging became the leading industry in Lagerville. Many illiterate loggers were proud to have the name Lagerville and flocked to decimate the Old Growth Forest in the area. Sometime later,they learned that the lager in Lagerville was actually a form of beer rather than loggers. This pleased them enormously that their two favorite things were the same word but different spelling. To celebrate this prime coincidence, they started the Lagerville Logger's Lager Days in September 1890. The loggers would compete in beer guzzling and other beer games and the Lagers, as the beer makers were called, competed in logging contests such as single buck and double chop. A great time was had by all contestants and all spectators.
This continued well into the 20th century until the Great Bark Beetle Infestation of 1930 - 1934 wiped out the Old Growth Forest. To save the forest for future logging, Spoted owls were brought in to eradicate the bark beetle so the Old Growth Forest would grow back. Once the bark beetle was wiped out and the Old Growth Forest grew back, the Spoted owl had become so accustomed to this new Old Growth Forest that it could not live anywhere else.
The proliferation of spoted owls in the area led to an expansion
in the economy. Quick to take advantage of the situation, the locals began their own manufacturing and distribution of Spoted owl products such as "Spoted Owl Helper" and "Spoted Owl Piñatas"and other Spoted Owl festivities. The businesses in the area, however, were once again beaten back by the government and their allies, the
environmentalists. While mining, logging, and laging still remain
productive industries in the area, Lagerville had bigger visions of where it could be.
They wanted to be "the biggest town with less than a hunnert
people in the area". So they started working at attracting tourists. The first attempts, the Mumbly-Peg Shootouts by Limpin' Joe Watson didn't generate the fanfare expected.
Wasn't long, though, before they hit upon the real solution: Lager. They advertised as a fishing and hunting destination, and supplied their guests with large quantities of lager. It was perfect.
Perfect as could be for the technology of the time. However, in
the year 2000 they established an internet presence, only 5 years after Lagerville Loggin' Lager Days was renewed. The internet presence re-established Lagerville as not only a hunting, fishing, drinking paradise, but also as a place to live and raise a family. By mid-year of 2000, there were over a hunnert people that called Lagerville home.
(history of lagerville contains contributions from the historian Porad)
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