Friday, February 21, 2014
Lost in Lostine
LOST IN LOSTINE
BY LOREN CLEMENTS
________________________________________
In the hardened manner to which he’d grown accustomed, Lanky Lawson made his tavern entrance. Earlier arrivals could only stare, mouths agape as Lanky approached the well-worn bar.
Tension hung in the air as he pondered his next move. He looked around the smoke filled room one more time, spit out something that was in his mouth and turned back to the bar.
“Do you serve beer here?” asked Lanky.
The crowd gasped, then a hush. The steely-eyed bartender continued to wipe down the bar and slowly moved toward Lanky. She stopped and finally looked up at Lanky with steely-eyes and said, “It’s a tavern ain’t it?”
The crowd murmured. The bartender continued to stare at Lanky and Lanky stared outside.
After what seemed like an eternity, Lanky said, “Well, I’ll take one then.”
The silence was broken, the tension was cleared, and the others in the bar went back to their own affairs.
The calm didn’t last long, however, as the steely-eyed bartender countered Lanky’s proposal with: “What kind?”
Lanky’s quick thinking partner gasped, then a hush as he knew that more than once this query had been a stumper for Lanky. He held his breath hoping that Lanky would answer correctly and in a timely manner.
“MGD,” was Lanky’s reply.
“We ain’t got…M-G-D,” the steely-eyed bartender replied slowly, leaning on the counter. She deliberatly edged closer to Lanky, thrusting her chin toward him in a fashion that suggested she was daring him to try once more.
“Uh…uh,” Lanky was stammering. He’s starting to lose his cool thought his quick thinking partner.
“We’ll take a couple of Blitz-Weinhards,” said his partner, thinking quickly.
“Yeah, that sounds mighty fine,” said Lanky as he, oblivious to the tension he had created, headed off toward the restroom.
Lanky’s quick thinking partner could only shake his head as Lanky wandered off. “Another day like yesterday, and the day before….and tomorrow,” he thought.
Returning from the restroom with cheeks aglow, and obviously the happiest person in the Lostine Tavern, Lanky said, “I think the bartender likes me.”
“Yes, yes she does,” replied Lanky’s quick thinking partner. “She likes you as much as she likes workin’ in a smoky tavern fer 50 years and getting nowhere with her life or her health.
By this time, Lanky was playing with a small burlap bag he’d found on the bar and was paying no attention to his quick thinking partner’s intelligent humor.
“Hey check this out!” Lanky giggled with glee. “Ya squeeze this here thing and it sounds like a cat squallerin’ in a burlap bag! Ain’t that somethin’?”
As Lanky ran off to the restroom again, the steely- eyed bartender approached the quick thinking partner. “What’s his deal?” she asked.
“Don’t rightly know, but he allus means well an’ he’s got a good heart. Ya just gotta give him a chancet.”
“Well, I’ll give him a chancet to buy one a them fake cats in a bag fer sixteen bucks. I wanna get rid of them damn things.”
“Ya know, I think he really likes ‘em so ya got a fair chance fer a sale.”
The bartender silently slid away as Lanky returned.
“I jest cain’t get over that cat squallerin’ in a bag like ‘at. I gotta find out where I can git one o’ them.”
“I know where ya kin git one a them,” said the steely-eyed bartender as she re-approached. “I got some right here in this box fer sixteen bucks each! But I’ll give ‘er t’ ya fer fifteen!”
“I’ll take one!” cried Lanky. “I can’t believe it!”
After they swilled another couple of Blitz-Weinhards and the quick thinking partner left the steely-eyed bartender a handsome tip. The duo headed for the exit.
Lanky moseyed out first, as was his habit, and his quick thinking partner glanced back in time to hear the steely-eyed bartender say, “Good luck! Looks like you’ll need it.” And she went back to wiping the bar for another 50 years.
Outside, Lanky was still overjoyed at his good fortune.
“See I told you she likes me, “ he said.
“Yep,” replied his quick thinking partner, “She likes you as much as she likes being stuck with a box full o’ cats in a bag that she ain’t ever gonna sell.”
Smiling and clutching his “squallerin’” cat, Lanky backed the truck onto the highway and then began steering it towards the next tavern.
To find out if it serves beer.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Waitress Cheats Uncle Sam
(OLM WireServices - 02/17/10)
A young, comely waitress at the Lagerville Cafe has admitted that she has been cheating Uncle Sam the last few years. While not actually saying "I've been cheating Uncle Sam the last few years", she has, however, admitted that she has not claimed all of her tips on her income taxes for the last few years.
"I have not claimed all of my tips on my income taxes for the last few years." admitted Caroline Clemons, waitress at the Lagerville Cafe, "I've been merely claiming some of them on my taxes the last few years. I figured if I claimed less tips on my income taxes, who is gonna know? I mean jeez."
Local waitress, Caroline Clemons, on a recent local outing funded by her cheating of the government, mocks authority with her mocking smile and sunglasses and hat and just the way she acts.
"Somebody's gotta do sumthin' about all this!" yelled LC Parker as she ate her breakfast, even though she had received less than adequate service.
A young, comely waitress at the Lagerville Cafe has admitted that she has been cheating Uncle Sam the last few years. While not actually saying "I've been cheating Uncle Sam the last few years", she has, however, admitted that she has not claimed all of her tips on her income taxes for the last few years.
"I have not claimed all of my tips on my income taxes for the last few years." admitted Caroline Clemons, waitress at the Lagerville Cafe, "I've been merely claiming some of them on my taxes the last few years. I figured if I claimed less tips on my income taxes, who is gonna know? I mean jeez."
Local waitress, Caroline Clemons, on a recent local outing funded by her cheating of the government, mocks authority with her mocking smile and sunglasses and hat and just the way she acts.
"Somebody's gotta do sumthin' about all this!" yelled LC Parker as she ate her breakfast, even though she had received less than adequate service.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Bear Attack Hampers Camper
(OLM WireServices – 02/10/2010)
Three local campers had an experience of a lifetime recently: A bear attack near their camp.
It was early morning and while breakfast was being prepared, one of the campers headed to the rig for possibly a nutritious breakfast treat or bottles of water. He had only gotten 20 or so yards into the bushes up the hill, when the other campers started hearing the most terrible roars they had ever heard. The bushes rattled and what looked like a struggle in the bushes continued up the hill along with the roaring. This went on for 5 or so minutes and then quieted. The two men in camp went back to eating their breakfast and within a half-hour their camping companion returned.
“What happened, bear attack ya?” asked one of the safe campers.
“Yup,” replied the camper who had been attacked, “ had me good there fer a minute, but now I feel invigorated.”
There were no visible marks on this camper and he explained that a lot of times bear attacks don’t even break the skin. ”It’s a living hell while the attack is taking place, but when it’s over ya feel mighty fine."
When asked why they didn’t try to go help their comrade the other campers replied “Eatin’ breakfast” and “He got himself inta that mess he can git himself outa it.”
The attacked camper seemed to have no ill feelings toward the other campers but rather appeared to be kind of embarrassed.
“It’s my fault,” he said, “ I wasn’t cautious last evening and did not take the proper precautions to guard against a bear attack. Ya might say I was even invitin’ one. We were just lucky we all weren’t attacked.”
Three local campers had an experience of a lifetime recently: A bear attack near their camp.
It was early morning and while breakfast was being prepared, one of the campers headed to the rig for possibly a nutritious breakfast treat or bottles of water. He had only gotten 20 or so yards into the bushes up the hill, when the other campers started hearing the most terrible roars they had ever heard. The bushes rattled and what looked like a struggle in the bushes continued up the hill along with the roaring. This went on for 5 or so minutes and then quieted. The two men in camp went back to eating their breakfast and within a half-hour their camping companion returned.
“What happened, bear attack ya?” asked one of the safe campers.
“Yup,” replied the camper who had been attacked, “ had me good there fer a minute, but now I feel invigorated.”
There were no visible marks on this camper and he explained that a lot of times bear attacks don’t even break the skin. ”It’s a living hell while the attack is taking place, but when it’s over ya feel mighty fine."
When asked why they didn’t try to go help their comrade the other campers replied “Eatin’ breakfast” and “He got himself inta that mess he can git himself outa it.”
The attacked camper seemed to have no ill feelings toward the other campers but rather appeared to be kind of embarrassed.
“It’s my fault,” he said, “ I wasn’t cautious last evening and did not take the proper precautions to guard against a bear attack. Ya might say I was even invitin’ one. We were just lucky we all weren’t attacked.”
News Brief
New Briefs
(OLM WireServices -02/10/2010)
Lud Morgan returned from Lewiston today with some new briefs. He chose the boxer brief variety and says “ with this new purchase I should be able to hold off on washin’ m’ underwear until at least next fall.”
(OLM WireServices -02/10/2010)
Lud Morgan returned from Lewiston today with some new briefs. He chose the boxer brief variety and says “ with this new purchase I should be able to hold off on washin’ m’ underwear until at least next fall.”
Friday, February 5, 2010
Local Drawing Held Today
(OLM WireServices – 02/06/2010)
A local drawing was held today by Mayor Porad Skinner as he showed it to the townsfolk and addressed the crowd as to it’s historical significance.
Details of the drawing were sketchy, however, which Mayor Skinner said added to it’s historical impact.
Most folks could not see the drawing and complained that what was the use of a drawing if you couldn’t see it.
The drawing, found under taped under a barstool at Lanky’s Roughneck Saloon when Lanky woke up one morning, was what Mayor Skinner described as “historically significant”. He also insists that the drawing will be displayed at the courthouse and also published in the Lagerville News in the future.
Mayor Skinner also asks that if anyone has any information about this drawing to come talk to him as soon as possible.
A local drawing was held today by Mayor Porad Skinner as he showed it to the townsfolk and addressed the crowd as to it’s historical significance.
Details of the drawing were sketchy, however, which Mayor Skinner said added to it’s historical impact.
Most folks could not see the drawing and complained that what was the use of a drawing if you couldn’t see it.
The drawing, found under taped under a barstool at Lanky’s Roughneck Saloon when Lanky woke up one morning, was what Mayor Skinner described as “historically significant”. He also insists that the drawing will be displayed at the courthouse and also published in the Lagerville News in the future.
Mayor Skinner also asks that if anyone has any information about this drawing to come talk to him as soon as possible.
Tommy’s Pond to Host Bass Tournament
(OLMWireServices – 02/05/2010)
In this reporter’s latest interview with Tommy, the Tommy who owns the local Tommy’s Pond, it was learned that Tommy’s Pond will be hosting a Bass fishing tournament in March.
“When did Tommy’s Pond start havin’ bass?” asked Lanky "Roughneck" Lawson, echoing the sentiments of a variety of townsfolk who had gathered around after hearing the news.
“Hell, ain’t noone fished Tommy’s Pond in years since it got overgrowed with weeds an’ moss an’ sech!” cried LC Parker.
“I used t’ sit there an’ watch m’ bobber all day long an’ jerk m’ rod when it went under,” reminisced Lud Morgan, who had come to town recently for supplies. “Now I don’t know what to do.”
Sheriff Buck Wallace sauntered up to the gathering and explained: “I’ve had Tommy in custody for th’ past few hours and interrogated him unmercifully. Turns out he’s been keepin’ bass fer when his local pond gets choked up with weeds and moss. He’s revealed that there’s plenty of room underneath fer bass an’ now he’s got so many he’s hosting a Bass Tournament. Anyone can enter if they pay the $50 entry fee.”
In a prepared statement Mayor Porad Skinner stated that he would be entering the Bass fishing tournament, but expected no favors from Tommy.
Tournament rules and schedules will be posted around town when they’re known.
In this reporter’s latest interview with Tommy, the Tommy who owns the local Tommy’s Pond, it was learned that Tommy’s Pond will be hosting a Bass fishing tournament in March.
“When did Tommy’s Pond start havin’ bass?” asked Lanky "Roughneck" Lawson, echoing the sentiments of a variety of townsfolk who had gathered around after hearing the news.
“Hell, ain’t noone fished Tommy’s Pond in years since it got overgrowed with weeds an’ moss an’ sech!” cried LC Parker.
“I used t’ sit there an’ watch m’ bobber all day long an’ jerk m’ rod when it went under,” reminisced Lud Morgan, who had come to town recently for supplies. “Now I don’t know what to do.”
Sheriff Buck Wallace sauntered up to the gathering and explained: “I’ve had Tommy in custody for th’ past few hours and interrogated him unmercifully. Turns out he’s been keepin’ bass fer when his local pond gets choked up with weeds and moss. He’s revealed that there’s plenty of room underneath fer bass an’ now he’s got so many he’s hosting a Bass Tournament. Anyone can enter if they pay the $50 entry fee.”
In a prepared statement Mayor Porad Skinner stated that he would be entering the Bass fishing tournament, but expected no favors from Tommy.
Tournament rules and schedules will be posted around town when they’re known.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Lagerville High Recruit Signs With CSU
(OLM WireServices – 02/03/10)
The Lagerville Loggers most highly recruited player in the history of Lagerville High School signed a Letter of Intent (LOI) to play football for the Colorado State University (CSU) Rams.
Colorado State Coach Steve Fairchild said he nearly slipped out of his chair when he received the fax from KC “Futbol” Jocklin early on Wednesday morning, the first day players can sign LOIs (Letter of Intents).
“Although I have a slippery chair and slip out of it quite often,” Fairchild said, “ I do think the surprise of landing a recruit the caliber of KC “Futbol” Jocklin caused the slippage this time. Wide receivers like KC don’t come around very often.We should be able to put his capabilites to good use.I predict he’ll be a favorite of new quarterback Pete Thomas, as he’ll be asked to bring cups of gatorade to him and all the other players. With his speed he should be able to run as fast as he can with a tray of gatorade cups and still not spill them.”
The 5’7” 134 pound slow wide-receiver, the Logger’s best player, used his 5.1 40 speed to get him down to the fax machine at Lagerville General as soon as possible first thing Wednesday morning.
“Sometimes sendin’ faxes is tricky, so I wanted t’ git down there early in case I dialt wrong or th’ paper jammed. Then I’d have all mornin’ t’ git it taken care of so I could go fishin’ down t’ Tommy’s Pond.”
The Lagerville Loggers most highly recruited player in the history of Lagerville High School signed a Letter of Intent (LOI) to play football for the Colorado State University (CSU) Rams.
Colorado State Coach Steve Fairchild said he nearly slipped out of his chair when he received the fax from KC “Futbol” Jocklin early on Wednesday morning, the first day players can sign LOIs (Letter of Intents).
“Although I have a slippery chair and slip out of it quite often,” Fairchild said, “ I do think the surprise of landing a recruit the caliber of KC “Futbol” Jocklin caused the slippage this time. Wide receivers like KC don’t come around very often.We should be able to put his capabilites to good use.I predict he’ll be a favorite of new quarterback Pete Thomas, as he’ll be asked to bring cups of gatorade to him and all the other players. With his speed he should be able to run as fast as he can with a tray of gatorade cups and still not spill them.”
The 5’7” 134 pound slow wide-receiver, the Logger’s best player, used his 5.1 40 speed to get him down to the fax machine at Lagerville General as soon as possible first thing Wednesday morning.
“Sometimes sendin’ faxes is tricky, so I wanted t’ git down there early in case I dialt wrong or th’ paper jammed. Then I’d have all mornin’ t’ git it taken care of so I could go fishin’ down t’ Tommy’s Pond.”
KC "Futbol" Jocklin signs Letter of Intent to fax later that morning.
Jocklin, who is an avid fisherman, stated that his choices had been narrowed down to Colorado State University, Charleston Southern University, and Columbus State University.
“ It came down to that it just felt right in m’ heart t’ choose CSU over CSU and CSU,” said KC, “ I certainly hope I had th’ right fax number.”
“That’ll be 50 cents for the fax!!” cried LC Parker.
Jocklin lead his team in receptions with 13 receptions for 130 yards (a ten yard average) and one touchdown during his Senior season as the captain of the Loggers 1-6 football squad that narrowly missed the playoffs.
As KC "Futbol" Jocklin left Lagerville General after the historic fax, he commented that LC Parker could collect the 50 cents from Colorado State University.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Occasional Police Blotter
(OLM WireServices - 01/25/2010)
________________________________________
01/18/2010
On May 20 at 3:15 p.m. on the eastside of Lagerville, down near the trailer park, three male juveniles had been seen on several occasions stealing parts from abandoned cars, which had been parked at the rear of a resident's property. Although they had been chased away several times, they continued. A deputy, brought to the area where the juveniles lived, observed two of the males carrying seat cushions that were taken from the resident's property. When contacted, they gave a written statement before being taken to their homes where they were released to their parents pending possible charges of theft at the Juvenile Court.
________________________________________
01/19/2010
A 32-year-old woman reported that her vehicle was stolen. The vehicle was idling as she went back into the house to wait for the vehicle to warm up from a cold night out in the elements. When she returned there was nothing but exhaust fumes where her purple vehicle once was. After surmising it was stolen, she started to call 911 on her cell phone but before she could even dial 9, she realized it was in the stolen vehicle. She was finally able to contact the police through the use of the phone that had been installed inside the house quite some time ago. Once police arrived and she explained how the vehicle was stolen, she was immediately advised that it was entirely her fault the vehicle was stolen and then arrested and booked on charges of 1st Degree Car Idling.
The surprised woman was bitter over the entire ordeal, but the officer just said that she could complain all she wanted in the county jail.
Caller reported a man walking down Highway 14 barefooted. Sheriff responded, but no suspect located.
Caller reported that minors were seen drinking at the end of BeaverSlide road, a known teen party area. Deputy responded and when teens were confronted they said that they had not been drinking and were just scouting for deer sign for next fall's deer hunting season.
Police responded to a burglar alarm at the Lagerville Hardware Store on main street. Reports said the officer had to climb the store's back fence to check the area. He found unlocked windows, but nothing missing.
________________________________________
01/20/2010
Caller reported seeing an auto weaving back and forth across the road on Jack Mtn Road, narrowly missing him. Sheriff responded and found no "weaver", but did find a car in the ditch. The driver was still in the car and seemed to regain consciousness when the Sheriff knocked on his window. The driver said he had not been weaving.
________________________________________
01/21/2010
Driving Under
Young man hauled into court today because his headlight was out on the vehicle he was trying to drive. The young man told the judge that the police officer instructed him where to go buy a headlight. He did just that, but it did not seem to help, as he "could not hardly see no matter how many lights" he had on, due to his current intoxicated state, which limited the effectiveness of two headlights.
The Judge dismissed the case.
________________________________________
01/22/2010
Swindled
An employee at a business in downtown Dixie reported being conned out of $50 Wednesday. Reports said the suspect left before officers could arrive. No other details are available.
Van Fire
A Lagerville man accidentally set his 1972 van on fire Friday. Police reports said he was driving to the laundramat to pick up his girlfriend, when he accidentally started some papers on fire with a match. Reports said he thought he had put the fire out before he got out of the van and went inside, but 10 minutes later his girlfriend noticed an orange glow coming from his van. Lagerville Fire Department put out the fire and the man had the van towed to his house.
Vandalism
A 16-year-old boy became so enraged from lack of sleep Tuesday that he stabbed his bedroom door with a kitchen knife. He told County sheriff's deputy that he got up early to go to school and came home exhausted. He was asleep when his mother told him to get out of bed around 11:30am and not lay around all day. He said he became angry and started yelling at her, picking up a knife and stabbing it into a door. He said he never assaulted or touched his mother at their home on Lagerville Way. Police said another door in the hallway also was damaged. The boy's mother said she didn't want to file criminal charges and didn't want the boy arrested.
________________________________________
01/18/2010
On May 20 at 3:15 p.m. on the eastside of Lagerville, down near the trailer park, three male juveniles had been seen on several occasions stealing parts from abandoned cars, which had been parked at the rear of a resident's property. Although they had been chased away several times, they continued. A deputy, brought to the area where the juveniles lived, observed two of the males carrying seat cushions that were taken from the resident's property. When contacted, they gave a written statement before being taken to their homes where they were released to their parents pending possible charges of theft at the Juvenile Court.
________________________________________
01/19/2010
A 32-year-old woman reported that her vehicle was stolen. The vehicle was idling as she went back into the house to wait for the vehicle to warm up from a cold night out in the elements. When she returned there was nothing but exhaust fumes where her purple vehicle once was. After surmising it was stolen, she started to call 911 on her cell phone but before she could even dial 9, she realized it was in the stolen vehicle. She was finally able to contact the police through the use of the phone that had been installed inside the house quite some time ago. Once police arrived and she explained how the vehicle was stolen, she was immediately advised that it was entirely her fault the vehicle was stolen and then arrested and booked on charges of 1st Degree Car Idling.
The surprised woman was bitter over the entire ordeal, but the officer just said that she could complain all she wanted in the county jail.
Caller reported a man walking down Highway 14 barefooted. Sheriff responded, but no suspect located.
Caller reported that minors were seen drinking at the end of BeaverSlide road, a known teen party area. Deputy responded and when teens were confronted they said that they had not been drinking and were just scouting for deer sign for next fall's deer hunting season.
Police responded to a burglar alarm at the Lagerville Hardware Store on main street. Reports said the officer had to climb the store's back fence to check the area. He found unlocked windows, but nothing missing.
________________________________________
01/20/2010
Caller reported seeing an auto weaving back and forth across the road on Jack Mtn Road, narrowly missing him. Sheriff responded and found no "weaver", but did find a car in the ditch. The driver was still in the car and seemed to regain consciousness when the Sheriff knocked on his window. The driver said he had not been weaving.
________________________________________
01/21/2010
Driving Under
Young man hauled into court today because his headlight was out on the vehicle he was trying to drive. The young man told the judge that the police officer instructed him where to go buy a headlight. He did just that, but it did not seem to help, as he "could not hardly see no matter how many lights" he had on, due to his current intoxicated state, which limited the effectiveness of two headlights.
The Judge dismissed the case.
________________________________________
01/22/2010
Swindled
An employee at a business in downtown Dixie reported being conned out of $50 Wednesday. Reports said the suspect left before officers could arrive. No other details are available.
Van Fire
A Lagerville man accidentally set his 1972 van on fire Friday. Police reports said he was driving to the laundramat to pick up his girlfriend, when he accidentally started some papers on fire with a match. Reports said he thought he had put the fire out before he got out of the van and went inside, but 10 minutes later his girlfriend noticed an orange glow coming from his van. Lagerville Fire Department put out the fire and the man had the van towed to his house.
Vandalism
A 16-year-old boy became so enraged from lack of sleep Tuesday that he stabbed his bedroom door with a kitchen knife. He told County sheriff's deputy that he got up early to go to school and came home exhausted. He was asleep when his mother told him to get out of bed around 11:30am and not lay around all day. He said he became angry and started yelling at her, picking up a knife and stabbing it into a door. He said he never assaulted or touched his mother at their home on Lagerville Way. Police said another door in the hallway also was damaged. The boy's mother said she didn't want to file criminal charges and didn't want the boy arrested.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Local Man Catches Catch of the Month
(OLM WireServices – 01/18/2010)
Over the weekend Chris G. Willikers went fishing again and true to his word brought along ol’ Tripod on his quest to hook the Catch of the Month. However, bringing along Dave “Tripod” Woods, may have backfired in a big way.
Tripod ( who says they started calling him Tripod back in high school) commenced to catch, not a whitefish, but a splendid rainbow trout. The trout was large and worthy of a photo. As fate would have it, Willikers was the the only one with a camera, so he snapped a photo of Tripod holding his trout. Not only did he take the photo, but he took it at what some judge to be the perfect distance for a picture of a man holding his trout.
In addition, Tripod submitted the photo to LAFF (Lagerville Anglers Fly Fishing Club) and took the honors for the January Catch of the Month. Willikers was much chagrined from this turn of events and vowed to keep fishing until he caught a Catch of the Month.
“There’s ‘leven more months left,” stated Willikers, fist clenched, "the sad part about all this is that I let Tripod hold m' rod jus' fer a second an' wouldn't ya know it, he hooked th' Catch of the Month!"
Over the weekend Chris G. Willikers went fishing again and true to his word brought along ol’ Tripod on his quest to hook the Catch of the Month. However, bringing along Dave “Tripod” Woods, may have backfired in a big way.
Tripod ( who says they started calling him Tripod back in high school) commenced to catch, not a whitefish, but a splendid rainbow trout. The trout was large and worthy of a photo. As fate would have it, Willikers was the the only one with a camera, so he snapped a photo of Tripod holding his trout. Not only did he take the photo, but he took it at what some judge to be the perfect distance for a picture of a man holding his trout.
In addition, Tripod submitted the photo to LAFF (Lagerville Anglers Fly Fishing Club) and took the honors for the January Catch of the Month. Willikers was much chagrined from this turn of events and vowed to keep fishing until he caught a Catch of the Month.
“There’s ‘leven more months left,” stated Willikers, fist clenched, "the sad part about all this is that I let Tripod hold m' rod jus' fer a second an' wouldn't ya know it, he hooked th' Catch of the Month!"
Dave "Tripod" Woods gleeful over catch of the month.
City Hall Gets New Gravel Grant
(OLM WireServices – 01/18/2010)
Mayor Porad Skinner was pleased to announce today that Lagerville has received a Gravel Grant from the county to put fresh gravel in the City Hall Parking lot.
Lud Morgan was available and used his pick-up to haul the gravel from the gravel pit north of town. A volunteer with a shovel emptied the gravel from his truck and spread it all over the old gravel.
Mayor Skinner seemed please to be able to stand on the new gravel and also to park his city issued Jetta on the ½” gray granite rock.
“This gravel is much more gravely than th’ previous gravel,” stated Mayor Skinner in a prepared speech, “ I feel that this gravel can only add to the future of parking and future parking in Lagerville! It just feels good. And it also covered up all the brodie tracks.”
“It just feels good,” said Mayor Porad Skinner of the fresh new gravel in front of City Hall.
“What th’ hell was wrong with th’ old gravel?!”cried LC Parker, who some suspect was the one that made the brodies in the parking lot.
Mayor Porad Skinner was pleased to announce today that Lagerville has received a Gravel Grant from the county to put fresh gravel in the City Hall Parking lot.
Lud Morgan was available and used his pick-up to haul the gravel from the gravel pit north of town. A volunteer with a shovel emptied the gravel from his truck and spread it all over the old gravel.
Mayor Skinner seemed please to be able to stand on the new gravel and also to park his city issued Jetta on the ½” gray granite rock.
“This gravel is much more gravely than th’ previous gravel,” stated Mayor Skinner in a prepared speech, “ I feel that this gravel can only add to the future of parking and future parking in Lagerville! It just feels good. And it also covered up all the brodie tracks.”
“It just feels good,” said Mayor Porad Skinner of the fresh new gravel in front of City Hall.“What th’ hell was wrong with th’ old gravel?!”cried LC Parker, who some suspect was the one that made the brodies in the parking lot.
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